Closet

My last high school choir concert. The Ice Cream Social. It was just like I had planned my senior year concert to be.

I cried my eyes out when it was over. I sobbed more that day than I did on graduation day. In fact, I didn't cry on graduation day, even though I felt like maybe I should. I suppose that there were a lot of reasons I cried after that final concert. Stress, relief, giving up something that I loved. I don't know what the real reason was, but I think that right then, is when I said goodbye to my high school self. That person that I was, who I always have with me, ceased to be me and has just been with me since then. Mrs. Pearson hugged me that day, and told me that those were not the best years of my life. There were better ones to come. It doesn't always seem that way.

I remember that day with one of my favorite dresses. It's a strapless gray plaid dress that my mom and I bought for Homecoming that fall. I didn't end up wearing it until that concert, and have kept it because I love it so much. Every time I see it or wear it (yes, I still have it, it still fits, and I have worn it in the last year) I think of the ice cream social, and who I was at that time.


I suppose that who you are is kind of like the clothes that you keep in your closet. You know, those ones that you can't get rid of or will never forget because they were so wonderful or you wore all the time. I guess it's like a growing moment. You shed your old self and become your new self and just carry that old one with you. You take it off, fold it up, and put it in your suitcase. You'll pull it out every now and then, and think about maybe wearing it; you'll shake it out and maybe try it on. You'll even take it for a spin around the living room or just around the block. And then you'll remember why you grew out of it in the first place. It will be too small and pinch in all the wrong places. It might make alluring curves in one spot, and then the light will hit just right, and you'll kick it off in a beat.

So a list of things hanging in my closet, that I refuse to throw out for sentimental value:

-May 1995. Third grade, end of the school year. Bad bangs, head bands, and funky jeans. My mom and I were waiting in the car to pick my sister up from school. I sobbed and sobbed that it was the last day of school. "You'll go back to school next year and your friends will all still be there." "But it won't be the same," I said. "We'll all be different." I think I remember this, simply because my mom didn't try to soften the blow of reality. "You're right," she said.

I still pull this out of the closet frequently. I don't try to squeeze into it any more, but sometimes I wish I could.

-Fall 2004. Knitted scarves were so in. So was Old Navy, Clark's on Belmont, Neffertiti's, and the Chicago stop on the Redline.

Thank God I grew out of that.

-Italy, Fall 2005. Nothing ever looked better on me than travel, scarves, and boots. They complimented my newly found charm. That brown hat ruined the ensemble completely, but it was a necessity.

Of all the outfits I'd like to wear again, it would be this. But I would leave the hat behind. We all make fashion mistakes.

-Summer and Fall 2k6. All I needed to wear was a tan. There was no need to comb out my hair.

I'm never letting this look go out. <3

-October 2006. I remember a cold goodbye on a windy and sunshiney day. The colors that season were dark. I retired that green cordoroy jacket after that day. Maybe if the green hadn't clashed with the grass, I would have kept it around.

Bright colors, blues and reds and patterns with hearts were in that summer, but went out more quickly than they ever came in. And who knows if they'll ever be back in?

-May 2008. College graduation, the last day, standing on the bridge over the Chicago River. I have a picture that captures my last moments as a college co-ed with my two best friends. We walked off the bridge, and seconds later, we were gone.

I pull this out a lot. I don't look as good in it any more; fashions change and varies from city to city. Besides, it just doesn't look as good without the rest of the line.

-Fall 2008. I don't need my helmet any more.... I hope.

-Summer 2009. My old brown slippers bought for the fall line of 2006. They were raggedy from walking the floor and through the snow. They couldn't keep up with the heat.

-Fall 2009. Fashion yet to be determined. But so far it has a lot to do with hats, sweat pants (in the air condition), and no shoes for when it's raining.

The best accessories are best friends, old and new.